How to have a memorable holiday
Follow these rules for an unforgettable summer
1. Don’t fight with your partner on Christmas Day, or a week either side. Whatever it is, it can wait.
2. Swim naked every chance you get. It will not only put you at one with the world, but will sober you up unlike anything else.
3. Don’t buy a turkey bigger than the smallest child at the table. Left-overs aren’t as exciting as you imagine them to be.
4. Don’t buy your partner just one gift. Put one under the tree for the crowd, and keep one for when you are alone (and if they are in any way related, it doesn’t count).
5. Don’t make any new year’s resolutions unless you’re prepared to have them tattooed to your body (if you would actually do this, you probably already have the commitment to conquer most of them).
6. Have sex outside, even if it’s in your own back yard. If someone sees you, be happy that you were the one being caught and not the one doing the catching.
7. Spend less time indoors. IT will always be there and TV will never change. You can get it on Blu-Ray when your 80.
8. Take a road trip.
9. Approach gift buying like you’re an eight-year-old with an adult’s salary.
10. On New-Year’s Day write down all your life regrets on a piece of paper. The indigestion will take your mind clean off them.
11. Don’t fight with your parents. Not even over board games like scrabble.
12. Frisbee, beach bats, soccer, football- play them all like winning is everything, right up to the moment you lose.
13. Stop worrying about a tanned body. It’s a false sense of accomplishment and it won’t help you do anything but die sooner.
14. If you are going to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, the earlier in the summer the better- why suffer when it’s hot outside?